We must provide more freedom and choices to our daughters – be it economic or social. And we should do it for our own benefit.
Violence against women, an everyday event with cases splashed across media. This is a global phenomenon not specific to a particular country, cast, creed or community. I heard somebody commenting on a talk show that women should dress modestly, be accompanied after dark, and should not frequent discos. I thought – “really?” Another sniggered, “what was the lady (the rape victim!!) doing so late at night”? (9.30 p.m.!!) They were declaring the victim guilty with such smugness that I felt sick. Who decides what modest dressing is? Does the fact of wearing western clothes give a right to molest? A female walking alone at 9.30 p.m., does that provide anybody a right to rape? Come on – must be joking!!!
There is a part of society that always blames women. They whisper, “She must have provoked him”, “She must have done something wrong.” The “guilty” verdict is delivered. Ever wonder why the victim’s face is blurred on TV? She has not done anything wrong except, may be, walking alone at night!! Why does she have to use a veil to cover her face? Probably because she does not have faith in being treated humanely. She knows that her friends, relatives and society in general will not let her move on and continue with her life. There will be whispers everywhere she goes.
Declaring a woman guilty after being assaulted is not a recent phenomenon. It happened even in Ramayana. Sita,wife of Lord Rama, was asked to prove herself by entering in fire. Even then Rama had to ostracize her. She pleaded with mother Earth to take her back. Despite of remorse expressed by all, she went back to her maternal home. There are multiple versions of the story but one basic issue is clear: Sita had to prove her innocence. Till then, she was guilty.
In Mahabharata – “Anushashana Parva section CXXIII” – it is mentioned that when the husband is away the wife should not use ornaments, not have a proper bath (gets stinky!!) and not indulge in any adornment till the hubby is back. In a nutshell, the diktat is clear – look horrible and smell horrible. If she wears ornaments, etc., what will happen? She will look good, off course!! Then what? Men will be attracted to her! And her husband is away. Guilty – guilty – guilty!! Unless she proves her innocence by ensuring she does not look good. Awesome – is it not so? By the way,nobody asks the husband how he satiates himself while he is away!!
From ancient times a son, as heir, is always of paramount importance. Lineage to progress, as if the male was the only involved in the progression process. We have seen enough daughters making their family proud and sons shaming them. Still, a son is a must to advance the ancestry. In Puja Mantra, we pray to provide us with sons. Even ladies pray fervently – “Putram Dehi.” If a girl is born, it is the lady’s fault. If she cannot conceive, she has to be tested. If the wife is brave enough to suggest testing her husband, may God save the poor lady. Somebody told me recently (a male) that his wife is having difficulties to conceive, so a doctor was consulted. Some tests were suggested for her. I asked, “What about you?” Apparently the doctor said “We shall test the wife first.” Surprised? Guilty unless proven innocent, isn’t it? I did not ask the gender of the doctor though. It does not matter.
Every day someone, somewhere, is getting insulted; be it a daughter, mother or wife. She is being ostracized and her dignity gets violated. Some tolerate silently, some like Sita go back to their parental home, some decide to end their lives and very few fight back.
Even though we boast progress (but have we progressed really?), we can only proclaim that we are progressing when the victim removes her veil and looks into our eyes, holds her head high and seeks justice. We must provide more freedom and choices to our daughters – be it economic or social. And we should do it for our own benefit.
Empowering women with more freedom and choices are crucial for a better future. There is incentive for all of us. It enhances development. Countries that have expanded opportunities to women have achieved moderate population growth, reduced child mortality and increased life expectancy. This, in turn, has improved the Human Development Index (HDI) of the country. HDI measures country’s performance beyond GDP. Women are the key factor for sustainable long term development with a triple-win strategy — better economic growth, social development, and environmental sustainability.
Empowering women and moving towards 360 degree development will not happen by merely commenting in social media or by candle light vigil alone. Each one of us must redefine our thought process. As Mahatma Gandhi said – “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
