By Madan Lamsal
Comrades and Commanders!
Welcome to our own Nepal’s pride, Baburo Bhattarai Airways. Captain Baburo Bhattarai welcomes you onboard this flight bound to New Delhi. Our passengers can be fully assured that this flight will land nowhere but on this preannounced destination. Passengers are requested not to be confused with the uncertainty of flight and future of another namesake Airways.
You will hear a number of rocking announcements about the poll-ethical weather by our buffalo herding head of the nation, which cannot alter our aim of smooth flight and destination. If you cannot trust me fully as pilot, you may rely on our single-focused co-pilot VJ Gachchr, who have a long experience in maneuvering flights that face troubles. Only thing is he charges extra whenever he has to save such flights led by over-dependent Baburo captain like me.
Along with the members of VJ club of Try-Muddesh and trainee fright attendants, we also have side-attendant Ms Yummy with us to greed you. Now we are announcing some safety tips. Therefore, please shut up your mouth and eyes but keep your ears as wide as you can.
First of all, I request all the passengers to open their umbrellas as we have a custom of doing so when we have information that there is rainfall in Delhi. When we are ready to take off, the passengers are requested to shout at the highest pitch to scare cows, monkeys and the vultures off the runway, let loose there by Congress, UML and RPP respectively.
To entertain you to the hilt, our fright attendants are not wearing makeup today. However, they will be wearing wigs and parachutes hoping to look like clowns to remind you the last Christmas. But they actually look like ghosts of some Ramsey Brother’s late night TV shows.
As there is no seat planning, the ones with muscle power can grab the front seats, the weak ones can sit on the stools or on the floor. If I see some near and dear ones of my own, umh! relatives of Ms Yummy, I will make sure they get very lucrative seats regardless of anything. Let me also inform that, I will not be able to listen to anyone except Ms Yummy when in Nepal and some of my gurus like Muni when in Delhi. Therefore, please do not shout if you have any problem.
Though the original time for the return flight was for five months, but because of bad weather, that couldn’t be assured. We may reach the destination anytime soon, but the return flight is certainly not certain.
We are not too sure about in what height we will be flying as there are lot of efforts going on to bring down my plane. As you know it will be my duty to save my plane even at the cost of passengers and some fellow flight staff. So, anyone might be kicked out of plane if required. So, be ready for an adventure skydiving trip for free and make sure you have your parachute ready for yourself.
Our plane has four emergency doors. However, they will be opened only when we feel that we needed to vacate a seat to accommodate a new flight partner sacrificing an existing one to ensure my non-stop flight.
We will fly between Delhi and Kathmandu on a regular basis. This will continue till we reach to a consensus that endorses the proposal such that this very captain with the same crew members is allowed to continue to fly this plane. Otherwise, this plane will never land on any airport. Even in case you arrive at your destination, don’t worry, you will be left in the middle of nowhere!
Before you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your money and valuables. Anything left behind will be distributed among the fright attendants as we believe in common-ism and demons-crazy at the same time.
After all, thank you for flying with Baburam Baburo Airways. I am not sure whether you enjoyed giving me an opportunity to be your captain, but I am ecstatic on being the captain of this flight, therefore unwilling to relinquish this pleasure anytime soon!
Bon Voyage!
