Nepal Government’s ‘Death Diplomacy’ : Madan Lamsal

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Nepal Government’s ‘Death Diplomacy’ : Madan Lamsal

Oh, the Government of Nepal! It’s been working so hard to make our lives and deaths better and better that it's like a never-ending magic show!                                                           
The government is like a stealth ninja, doing things behind the scenes that nobody sees or feels! It's like a covert operation of awesomeness. It's so secret that even the people it's supposed to benefit don't have a clue! 
So what is the government actually doing, you might ask? Well, the answer is – a lot!
First and foremost, the government taxes the people to make he lives of people energetic and deaths inspining . In fact, the government is a tireless tax collector! It’s on a mission to make sure no one gets away without paying their dues, no matter what. It's a job that's just so taxing, you wouldn't believe it! Loans, hunger, grief - none of that matters to the government when it comes to taxes. It'll keep collecting, come hell or high water, because heaven forbid the people become lazy without the incentive of hefty taxes, right?!
After all, what could be more motivating than the looming threat of taxes? It's not like the people have anything else to worry about! So what if they're struggling to make ends meet or grieving the loss of a loved one? The government's got a job to do, and it is not about to let a little thing like compassion get in the way of that!
Another thing that the government does by hook or crook is to cause prices to rise. In fact, price increases are one of the favorite tricks of the government. Because, apparently, that's the secret to a booming economy! It's simple, really: higher prices mean higher living standards!! Who needs affordable goods when you can have skyrocketing prices, right? According to the Nepali government's economics 101, when prices rise, people are forced to get off their lazy bums and become super active, creative, and productive. It's like a magical formula to spur productivity! Forget about the struggles of everyday life when prices keep climbing, because apparently, that's the key to success!
In fact, the government's theory is so groundbreaking that it is practically a shoo-in for the Nobel Prize in economics. Move over, Adam Smith! The Nepali government has cracked the code to economic prosperity through sky-high prices, and they're not holding back. So let's all celebrate as the prices keep climbing and our wallets keep shrinking, because hey, it's all in the name of progress and prosperity and agragaman, right? Who knew economics could be so hilarious and politics so laughable!
Perhaps the most important thing that the government has been doing is creating different situations for the people to commit suicide and free themselves from the burdens of life! In fact this is a brilliant trick up the government’s sleeve to control the population: creating situations that make people want to commit suicide and rid themselves of life's burdens! It's like taking a page straight out of Thomas Robert Malthus' playbook - a renowned economist, no less! Who wouldn't want to follow in those footsteps?
But lately, the Nepali government seems to be slacking off in its duties. It’s not acting like a true Nepali government anymore! It’s been depriving many of the privilege to commit suicide. It's a real shame! After all, what could be better for population control than a good ol' suicide-inducing situation? Come on, Nepal government, get back on track and let the people free themselves from the burdens of life! It's all about following the classics, right? Short and bittersweet, just like the government's approach to population control!
However, there's a little hitch these days when it comes to committing suicide in Nepal. In the past, trees were abundant, making it easy to find a suitable spot for hanging oneself. But now, with trees giving way to houses and roads, it's become quite a challenge to find a tree nearby. It's like a treasure hunt for a suicidal person! They say, to safeguard the people's right to commit suicide, an informal organization called the 'Long Live Suicide Association' has sprung up. They've been fervently urging the government to plant more trees, so that instead of dying a little every minute, people can just bid farewell to this world with ease, all at once!
Even the famous Rani Pokhari in Kathmandu, where people used to take the plunge, is now fenced off. But there's a strong demand to remove the fencing, because hey, who needs safety precautions when it comes to taking the ultimate leap, right? After all, when it comes to committing suicide, convenience is the key! Here's to hoping Nepal's 'Long Live Suicide Association' and their tree-planting campaign bear fruit, or rather, branches!
The Association may complain that the government has failed to provide alternative methods for suicide, but I beg to differ. In fact, the government has been quite innovative in this regard! For those who can't find a tree to hang themselves, they can always try their luck with Tuins - those makeshift cable crossings over rivers. It's like a thrilling game of life or death! 
And if that's not enough, the government has even introduced new modes of transportation for suicidal adventures. They can cling onto a bus, jeep, truck or tractor and take a ride on any of the country's treacherous roads, where the chances of meeting a tragic end are sky-high! Or for a truly high-flying experience, they can simply board a domestic airline aircraft and let fate take its course!!
To add to the list of the government's contributions, it has also provided ample opportunities for those who wish to die abroad - legally or illegally. Nepali girls and women can avail themselves of the opportunity to perish in the brothels of neighbouring countries on a daily basis! The government has even made arrangements for Nepalis to return from foreign lands in coffins, with separate ministries and diplomatic missions dedicated to these tasks. It's truly awe-inspiring to see the level of effort and dedication the government has put into these endeavors!
I mean, let's be real, is there any other government in the world that has achieved such remarkable feats? From facilitating death abroad to supporting the brothel industry in the neighbouring countries, the government has gone above and beyond to cater to every possible need of the people. It's hard to imagine any other government coming close to such incredible achievements! The sheer magnitude of the government’s efforts is commendable, and it truly deserves all the praise and admiration for its unparalleled accomplishments in the realm of mortality management. Hats off to the Nepali government for their unwavering dedication to their unique brand of "death diplomacy"! 

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