The Great Buffalomania

  6 min 38 sec to read
The Great Buffalomania

By Madan Lamsal

Our school teachers, in all their infinite wisdom, always decreed that we could only write essays about cows. Yes, cows, those lovely creatures that give us milk. But hold on a minute! Why in the world did they never ask us to write about buffalos? I mean, they also produce milk, right? Talk about a glaring double standard! It's as if they believe in the great bovine divide, rather than promoting equality among our four-legged friends. But fear not, dear readers, because buffalos and buffalo bulls are finally getting their overdue moment in the spotlight. And guess who's responsible for this unexpected turn of events? None other than our esteemed Prime Minister, Prachanda, who seems to have developed a truly intriguing relationship with these magnificent beasts. Now, here's where it gets really juicy. Prachanda, a self-proclaimed "great atheist," manages to surprise us all with his uncanny ability to worship a buffalo one day and graciously accept a gift of buffalo bulls the next. Talk about being versatile in your spiritual beliefs!
In ancient times, during the Satya Yuga, presenting someone with a cow was considered a magnificent gift. But times have changed, my friends. In today's age, you can buy a whole herd of cows for the price of a single buffalo or buffalo bull. So naturally, we must update our praise-worthy proclamations and start singing the praises of buffalos instead. After all, our scriptures may have glorified the cow, but when it comes to economic value, the buffalo reigns supreme. It's a bovine revolution of sorts! So, let's raise our voices, and rally behind the noble buffalo. Let's champion the cause of buffalo equality and demand that our teachers embrace the magnificence of both cows and buffalos. It's high time we put an end to this unjust discrimination in our educational institutions. Cow or buffalo, milk is milk, and it's time we celebrated the udderly fantastic wonders of all our dairy-producing friends.
Dear readers, brace yourselves for a tale that wouldn't be complete without honouring our generous neighbour, who bestowed upon us buffalo bulls after the heartfelt pleas of three prime ministers. This is precisely why our parliament, the supposed law-making body, appears to be consumed with discussions on Prachanda's buffalomania! In all honesty, my friends, a buffalo holds greater significance than a cow in every aspect you can imagine. From its invaluable contributions to agriculture and livestock rearing to its prowess in field ploughing, the buffalo takes the crown. In the hills of Nepal, they rely on oxen for ploughing, but in the Terai region, both oxen and buffalo bulls are employed for this noble task. It's worth noting that a former buffalo grazer has even ascended to the presidency of our country!
Not only does the buffalo provide us with more milk, but it also blesses us with abundant hide and dung, the finest of organic manure. When it comes to pulling ploughs and carts, buffalo bulls outshine their oxen counterparts. And let's not forget our nation's beloved snack, the mighty momos, which owe their delectable taste to buffalos and buffalo bulls (I'm not sure if cows can claim the same). It truly baffles me why some individuals underestimate the numerous advantages that buffalos possess over cows, and belittle these magnificent creatures which have so much to offer!
However, after our beloved Prime Minister's visit to India, the importance of buffalos and buffalo bulls has skyrocketed. Why, you ask? Well, brace yourselves for the hilarious revelation that the Indian PM gifted our PM a whopping 15 buffalo bulls of the prized Murrah breed! Oh, the bovine diplomacy at play! Naturally, with such a grand gesture involving buffalos, we can't help but ponder their newfound significance. Did the Indian PM suddenly realize the untapped potential of buffalos and decide to bestow these majestic creatures upon our Nepali leader? And of course, we must ignore the tiny detail of our PM's baffling statement flip-flop, initially claiming they were buffalos and then mysteriously switching gears to buffalo bulls. Ah, the perils of distinguishing between bovine species!
Now, here's where it gets truly rib-tickling. After Prachanda donned a plain yellow 'dhoti' during his India trip (perhaps a fashion first for him), we can only imagine that his buffalo-bull-differentiation skills might have been temporarily compromised. I mean, who wouldn't get confused in the presence of regal buffalo bulls while rocking a new wardrobe choice? It's a whole bovine spectacle! But let's not forget to give credit where credit is due. Prime Minister Prachanda deserves a resounding round of applause from the buffalo community because, thanks to him, buffalos have taken center stage and become the talk of the town. They're practically everywhere, from newspapers to social media, and even in the living rooms of Nepalis. Just imagine the frenzy as the Nepali media dedicates generous space to showcasing the most captivating buffalo photos you've ever seen!
Ah, our enigmatic southern neighbor never fails to keep us guessing. They may not grant us new air routes for our shiny new airports or provide access to Bangladesh to sell our surplus electricity, but fear not! They have a grand solution to appease our desires: gifting us buffalos! Oh, the wonders of international diplomacy! Now, some individuals might find themselves in a state of unease, pondering the reasons behind the Indian PM's choice of buffalos instead of cows. But my friends, there's really no need to fret. Only the Indian PM himself holds the key to this bovine mystery. Perhaps it was a clever move to tap into the Nepali sentiment, or maybe he's well aware of the undying popularity of buffalo momos in our land. Who can say for certain?
Regardless of the Indian PM's intentions, let's not underestimate the dire need Nepal has for these four-legged creatures. Even if the gift hadn't materialized, old, scrawny buffalos and buffalo bulls have been crossing the border into Nepal day and night. It's become quite the routine, you see. The only difference this time is that we're receiving robust, youthful specimens, ready to make their mark on our bovine landscape. So, dear readers, let's bask in the delightful absurdity of international buffalo exchanges and appreciate the grand gesture bestowed upon us. Who knows, maybe these strong buffalos will bring prosperity, buffalo-themed delicacies, and a whole lot of bovine joy to our nation. The future is certainly looking bright and, dare I say, delightfully buffalo-filled!
But there are the two-legged intellectuals and analysts, ever ready to bemoan the Citizenship Bill and its alleged agenda of showering citizenship certificates upon our dear southern neighbours. But my friends, they fail to grasp the bigger picture. While bulls from the south are merrily making their way here to engage in amorous adventures with our local buffalos, people will simply roll in, you see. But let us not overlook the emotional turmoil experienced by our local buffalo bulls in this tumultuous situation. Just imagine the heartache they endure as their beloved local buffalos are forcefully handed over to those alien Murrah buffalo bulls!
And if that weren't enough, let's talk about the blatant discrimination faced by our local buffalo bulls. While they're stuck munching on hay, grass, and water, those fancy Murrahs will be feasting on industrially produced, readymade feed. How do our local buffalo bulls cope with such outrageous disparities? They must be whispering amongst themselves, calling us Nepalis ungrateful, for we seem to have forgotten the tireless services rendered by our local buffalos and bulls throughout the ages. From providing us with milk to ploughing our fields and pulling our carts, their contributions have been nothing short of legendary! 

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