--BY MADAN LAMSAL
Well, well, it looks like democracy took a dive in our country, and guess who's making big bucks out of it? You guessed right, the politicians! Back in the Panchayat era, they were probably sitting around twiddling their thumbs, but now they're raking in the benefits! Meanwhile, us regular folk might as well be up a creek without a paddle!! And don't you just love those folks who keep moaning and groaning about what democracy has done for the country? They're like the village idiot, bless their hearts! I mean, who needs democracy when you've got a bunch of greedy politicians and government officials lining their pockets left and right?
Ah, yes, our dear politicians - always thinking about how to save humanity from impending doom. It's no wonder they've decided to take matters into their own hands and increase the amount of sin on earth. After all, God can't be bothered to show up unless things get really out of hand, right? It's almost as if they've taken a page out of Ravana's playbook, kidnapping Sita just to provoke Lord Bishnu into showing up and taking care of business. But instead of a damsel in distress, our politicians have chosen corruption, treason, and even murder as their calling cards! Hey, whatever it takes to get the Big Man upstairs to make an appearance, right? And we, the common people, should be grateful for their efforts. We should join in their noble goal of making the world a more sinful place, because who wouldn't want God to show up and start smiting people left and right? So let's stop worrying about the morality at and just of it at all embrace our inner demons! It's all for a good cause, right?
And there are people who worry about rising unemployment. And that’s no surprise these days. But let's face it, when you've got a population of people who don't want to lift a finger to make ends meet, what do you expect? They're too busy scrolling through social media, liking cat videos and sharing conspiracy theories to even think about finding a job. Meanwhile, our neighbors from India’s Bihar are making bank by selling vegetables, fruits, brooms and handmade stools on bicycles, and doing odd jobs like plumbing, barbering and construction work. But why would us great Nepalis stoop to such menial labor? We only know how to think big - too big, it seems. And if you're lucky enough to land a job overseas, why would you ever come back to this mess? We need all the money and resources we can get, and if that means exporting our workforce, so be it. The government needs that remittance money, after all. So let's not fuss over rising unemployment. It's just a sign of progress - progress towards a future where we're all wealthy social media influencers, living off the hard work of our neighbors and dreaming big dreams!
And there are those who curse the government for having to stand in queues to receive government services. Ah, the joys of government services! Nothing quite like spending your day standing in line to really make you feel like a valued citizen. But some folks just can't handle the excitement! They curse the government for making them leave the comfort of their couch to go wait in line like a commoner. But let's be real here, folks. It's not like you're risking life and limb by standing in a queue! Sure, you might lose the feeling in your legs, develop a deep hatred for the person in front of you who won't stop coughing, and contemplate the meaninglessness of existence, but is that really so bad? At least you're not getting trampled by a herd of wild elephants in Jhapa or some other Terai dsitrict!
And let's not forget, death comes for us all, whether we're waiting in line or binge-watching Netflix! So really, what's the difference? If anything, standing in line might give you a newfound appreciation for the fleeting nature of life. Or maybe just a newfound appreciation for chairs! So don't be too quick to curse the government for making you stand in line. After all, it's a great way to meet new people, catch up on your reading, and ponder the futility of human existence. And if all else fails, just bring a good pair of headphones and tune out the world. Whether it's online or non-line or in-line, we're all in this together, folks!
Yes, the great Nepali tradition of waiting in line! It seems like everyone's got a spot in the queue these days. Some folks are lined up to beg for a brand new stadium, while others are begging to become minister or even the next Prime Minister! Talk about big dreams, right? But it's not just the folks at home who love a good line. Nepalis all over the world are queuing up to leave the country and make it big abroad. Because let's be honest, who wants to live in Nepal? Not even the ‘gods’, apparently. Sita bailed to India, Bhrikuti bounced to Tibet, and Araniko high-tailed it to China! Even Balabhadra couldn't resist the allure of Lahore!! But don't worry, folks. The ‘gods’ are starting to trickle back in, thanks to some sweet return-to-Nepal programs. Some are returning from the USA, others from the UK!
As the ‘gods’ are returning, folks, we can all relax and watch as they work their ‘heavenly magic’ to solve all our problems! Now, with their ‘divine intervention’ they will make sure that the ‘Nepal development bus’ gets moving. And not only the Prime Minister but also the Finance Minister, two of the biggest players on the journey, have promised us that the bus of development is gonna start moving at breakneck speed now!. And boy, is that bus moving! It's like a game of musical chairs, bouncing from one Durbar to the next (Baluwatar, Singha Durbar, Balkot Durbar, Khumaltar, Parisdanda etc), never staying in one place for too long. Sure, the bus might break down from time to time, or the drivers might get into a spat over who gets to drive, but don't worry. They'll make up eventually, while the helpers keep snarling at each other in the backseat!
So sit back, relax, and try to enjoy the ride, folks!