--BY MADAN LAMSAL
There are a lot of complaints making the rounds that, apart from one or two, all the reality TV shows currently being aired in Nepal are not good enough or up to the mark. So, what I’ve been thinking is that, with a little bit of effort, perhaps I should give it a go and try to produce one. While pondering what subject matters to film, a great idea crossed my mind and it goes as follows:
Presently, almost all the programmes being aired on the Nepali electronic screens are entertainment shows. One could say that knowledge-based programmes are almost nil. The type of knowledge which is useful even in our day to day life. Currently, there is a lot of looting going on in the country in every sector. Looting in the name of education. Looting in the name of development. And the looting by government officials, well that knows no bounds! So, I guess this would make an ideal topic. Therefore, I have made up my mind to make a TV programme called ‘Loot Nepal’. One major reason for this is that looting has been going on in almost every nook and cranny of the country. Perhaps, most of the viewers and listeners would benefit, at least to some extent, from this programme. After the success of the movie ‘Loot’, singer Pashupati Sharma’s song ‘Lootna sake loot Kanchha’, too, became a huge hit. That song said – “Loot if you can.” But our programme will not only say that; it will also teach you how to loot!
This programme will be so informative that viewers will easily learn the different tricks on how to rob the country. The programme will also teach in detail who can loot the country and how; how the people can be hoodwinked etc. So as to teach the viewers the different ways and techniques to rob the country, the so-called renowned experts of various sectors will be invited to the show as guest speakers. There are many kinds of these so-called experts in the country who can teach viewers how to rob the state coffers. For example – there are those who organise the mahayagyas, the religious gurus and those who buy and sell land, rivers, riverbanks, aggregates, stones, sand etc.
We shall invite these looting specialists to the TV show gradually. However, to start with we will first invite someone from the teaching side and the so-called intellectuals. The viewers are certainly going to be amazed to find out how you can rob the country and its people in a variety of different ways! Teachers and intellectuals exist in various sectors. Some of them are making the students experts in the art of cheating via books, guess papers and guides they’ve written or are still writing. Some of them have successfully built their own private mansions within a couple of years of opening their private colleges! These great people have been able to either teach the students various routes and ways to go abroad or make them experts in making money just through talking, without actually doing anything else. Similarly, some are fully dedicated to and busy serving various INGOs in the name of serving the country. These people have been quite successful in advising foreigners on how not to develop the country and hold it back!
Other guests for the TV show could be those who have worked on the rules, laws and policies at the implementation level and have simply an unmatched capacity to rob the country. Claiming to be ‘working’ for the country’s administration, these seasoned bureaucrats have ‘served’ the country so much to actually serve the interests of unscrupulous businessmen and some NGOs that they should be awarded a Guinness world record for that! In short, there are many Mr Scams and a few Miss Scandals as well in the country’s administration; anyone from these groups of people could serve as guests for the show!
Other key people who should not be missed out are the neo-rich who are also the proponents of crony capitalism. These are the people who ‘manage’ the politicians’ money under the guise of different projects. Whatever they may call themselves, selling is the only actual thing they do – whether they sell water, Nepal’s white gold, or jungles or private as well as public land, or mobiles or even their souls! If not prevented, they will even sell the Sheetal Niwas, Singha Durbar, Baluwatar or even the Tundikhel. Perhaps they have already sold a couple of these! Whatever they might sell, they don’t keep the profits to themselves alone; they believe in sharing the profit to keep profiting! They are like a group of honest and professional thieves who share the booty among themselves honestly and professionally. The only difference is these people share the profits with the politicians, police and administrators, based on the amount of their contribution to the loot box!
The chief guest of the TV show would be a politician. There are thousands in the country’s political circle with a PhD in Lootology (the science of looting or robbing the country)! Anyone from them, especially one of the so-called top ones, would do for the show. These old players of domestic politics will not only speak about but also elaborate on the newest tricks on how to rob New Nepal. The trick to loot the country by wrapping it in the garb of republicanism and dividing the people on the basis of race, caste, ethnicity, religion, and gender in the name of federalism and ruling them! They will say how drinking the holy wine purges all your sins, how the local art and culture and traditions are killed slowly! Most importantly, they will teach the viewers how to identify the loopholes in the law to keep looting the country.
So, won’t the ‘Loot Nepal’ TV show be a big hit?